Skip to main content

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Big Game Guide

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Big Game Guide

During a decade or more of guiding hunters in the back country, one hears things from hunters that both warm the heart and chill the blood. These are all true tales from the tall timber. Of the chilling variety. Take heed of these statements and you might just become the model for how to be a good hunting client.

Mind If I Don't Smoke?

Scenario: Horse pack train, halfway to high-country wilderness elk camp.

Hunter to outfitter: 'I've been smoking way too much. I'm going to use this trip to quit cigarettes. Didn't bring a single one. '

Mix and Match

Scenario: High-country hunt.

Guide: 'What kind of ammo are you shooting? '
Hunter: 'Oh, I don't know, I've got a couple kinds in my pocket. '

Want Not, Waste All

Scenario: Field dressing a 194 6/8 Pope & Young mule deer.

Hunter: 'I only want the head and cape. Get rid of the rest. I don't want that f-----g meat. '
Guide: (with difficulty, suppresses the urge to field dress the hunter)

The Survivor Man

Newly arrived hunter says to high-elevation outfitter: 'Oh, did I tell you that I've had three open heart surgeries, and my carotid artery is 50-percent blocked? '

Zero Clue on Zeroing

Scenario: First morning of an elk hunt, glassing across a canyon.

Guide: 'Where do you like to have your rifle zeroed? '
Hunter: "Oh, I've never shot it, but it should be dead-on. The guy at the sporting goods store bore-sighted it for me. '

Getting in Shape?

Hunter, when booking with a back country Outfitter, states: 'I'm a little out of shape, but I'll get around fine. ' Eight months later hunter arrives weighing in at 387 lbs.

Speciesist

Hunter, upon arrival, announces to outfitter: 'I'm only interested in a (insert B&C minimum) book animal. I need to kill a book (insert species) to get a patch at my hunting club. '

Half a Box'll Do Ya

Scenario: Setting up to zero a hunter's rifle at the range.

Guide: (seeing a half empty box of ammo) 'Do you have another box of ammo? '
Hunter: 'No, this is all I brought. '

A Regular Dynamic Duo

Scenario: After hunting several days and missing three shots at different elk within easy range, finally makes the shot and kills an elk.

Hunter raves to his guide: 'Man, we make a team! There's nothing we can't kill. Man, you and me, we're the best predators in the woods. '
Guide: (tastes bile and responds only in his thoughts)

No License to Kill

Scenario: Elk camp, 16 horseback miles from the nearest road. Heading out for the first morning's hunt.

Hunter: 'License? No, I don't have a license. Did you tell me to pick up a license? I must have missed that. '

GET THE NEWSLETTER Join the List and Never Miss a Thing.

Recommended Articles

See More Recommendations

Popular Videos

Skills Drills: 3-Second Headshot

Skills Drills: 3-Second Headshot

James Tarr runs through the 3-Second Headshot drill.

Hornady 6MM Creedmoor

Hornady 6MM Creedmoor

Tom Beckstrand and Neal Emery of Hornady highlight the 6MM Creedmoor ammo.

Black Hills Evolution of Rifle Cartridge: .308 Win. 175 Gr. Match

Black Hills Evolution of Rifle Cartridge: .308 Win. 175 Gr. Match

David Fortier talks with Jeff Hoffman of Black Hills Ammunition about the evolution of the .308 Win. 175 Gr. Match bullet.

The Glock 21

The Glock 21

Frank and Tony from Gallery of Guns spice up the Glock test using their non-dominant hands.

See More Popular Videos

Trending Articles

Harvey A. Donaldson may be best known for his .219 Donaldson Wasp wildcat cartridge, but during his lifetime he was popularly called the “pioneer benchrester.”  Harvey Donaldson: Pioneer Benchrester Gunsmithing

Harvey Donaldson: Pioneer Benchrester

Joel J. Hutchcroft - May 07, 2019

Harvey A. Donaldson may be best known for his .219 Donaldson Wasp wildcat cartridge, but...

A unique load for the .450 Bushmaster is Hornady's new Subsonic offering. It's loaded with the company's 395-grain Sub-X (Subsonic–eXpanding) bullet that is designed to expand and penetrate but not break up.Hornady .450 Bushmaster Subsonic Ammo Ammo

Hornady .450 Bushmaster Subsonic Ammo

Steve Gash - August 13, 2020

A unique load for the .450 Bushmaster is Hornady's new Subsonic offering. It's loaded with the...

The heart of the newest Model 70 is, of course, its action.Winchester Model 70 Extreme Weather SS Review Rifles

Winchester Model 70 Extreme Weather SS Review

Greg Rodriguez - September 23, 2010

The heart of the newest Model 70 is, of course, its action.

How can a shorter-barrel revolver have higher velocities than a longer-barrel semiauto pistol? Here's why.Revolver vs. Semiauto Pistol: A Ballistic Oddity Handguns

Revolver vs. Semiauto Pistol: A Ballistic Oddity

Allan Jones - May 15, 2019

How can a shorter-barrel revolver have higher velocities than a longer-barrel semiauto pistol?...

See More Trending Articles

More How-To

The author, David Kenik, is not an attorney and this article is not legal advice. The following isCan You Shoot an Unarmed Attacker? How-To

Can You Shoot an Unarmed Attacker?

David Kenik - July 08, 2015

The author, David Kenik, is not an attorney and this article is not legal advice. The...

Here are a dozen ways to keep your personal-defense firearms out of sight, but close at hand.12 Ways To Hide Your Personal-Defense Firearms How-To

12 Ways To Hide Your Personal-Defense Firearms

Layne Simpson - March 14, 2018

Here are a dozen ways to keep your personal-defense firearms out of sight, but close at hand.

We all experience it. If you're the kind of guy that's reading this, you know what I mean: the sleepless nights with caliber options floating through your mind; the hungry feeling as you drive past your favorite sporting goods store; the developing interest in a new-to-you aspect of shooting. 10 Signs It's Time to Buy a New Gun How-To

10 Signs It's Time to Buy a New Gun

Joseph von Benedikt - June 09, 2015

We all experience it. If you're the kind of guy that's reading this, you know what I mean: the...

Reforming .204 Ruger cases into .222 Remington Magnum forced the author to relearn a valuable lesson.Reforming .204 Ruger Cases Into .222 Remington Magnum How-To

Reforming .204 Ruger Cases Into .222 Remington Magnum

Lane Pearce - December 13, 2018

Reforming .204 Ruger cases into .222 Remington Magnum forced the author to relearn a valuable...

See More How-To

Magazine Cover

GET THE MAGAZINE Subscribe & Save

Digital Now Included!

SUBSCRIBE NOW

Give a Gift   |   Subscriber Services

PREVIEW THIS MONTH'S ISSUE Arrow

Buy Digital Single Issues

Don't miss an issue.
Buy single digital issue for your phone or tablet.

Buy Single Digital Issue on the Shooting Times App

Other Magazines

Special Interest Magazines

See All Special Interest Magazines

GET THE NEWSLETTER Join the List and Never Miss a Thing.

Phone Icon

Get Digital Access.

All Shooting Times subscribers now have digital access to their magazine content. This means you have the option to read your magazine on most popular phones and tablets.

To get started, click the link below to visit mymagnow.com and learn how to access your digital magazine.

Get Digital Access

Not a Subscriber?
Subscribe Now